If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
