y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize