Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
