i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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