Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize