he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what day is it and did you see me today?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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