Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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