i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
