I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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