It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
