Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
