tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
operation harelip BJ is a go
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
