Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
