i just wanna soil my oats bro
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
