Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
