You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pants are for mortals
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
