There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
