We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
