i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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