Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
