He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
