we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize