a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
