Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize