I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
