I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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