Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
