Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize