Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
