did you get engaged???
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
