everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
zippers are such a cool invention
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
