What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
