Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
