Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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