Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im holly from the hills drunk
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
