dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
