I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
