Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
