They should really pass out barf bags in church
only if we run a train.
done.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Holy shit dude........stairs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize