So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
