Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
