dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
