My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
