So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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