rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
