I swear she didn't look like that last week.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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