Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
