I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
