He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
