so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
look no pants
I'm going to jail i love you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
