Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
