I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
