It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
