i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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