Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize