I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, beer. Big fan.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
