i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
