Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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