ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is my gift to your gina
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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