Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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