I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
