Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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