my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we're making bets on your personal life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
