you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
