Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
