There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
