It was confusing and full of hummus
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up under a house in Key West
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
