Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
