I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
