you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
