he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
