It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
