He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
