There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
