i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
