I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
