Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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