Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize