My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
