apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
